How can one find hope and healing after experiencing grief?

This blog addresses a highly sensitive topic: grief. Grief is defined as the normal response to a significant loss, such as the death of a loved one. It may also be experienced by individuals facing a serious, long-term, or terminal illness. Grief can encompass feelings of profound sadness, anger, guilt, and despair. It is important to note that grief is not solely associated with death. One can also grieve the loss of a job, the end of a marriage through divorce, the conclusion of a long-term friendship, or any other type of loss. Grief typically unfolds in seven stages: 

* Shock…

* Denial…

* Anger…

* Bargaining…

* Depression…

* Acceptance/hope…

* Processing…

Throughout my 41 years, I've faced significant grief, as many of us likely have. Typically, you have several years to navigate the stages of grief due to the widespread nature of loss. In 1999, I lost my maternal grandfather, followed by a very close uncle (Kenny) in 2008, and in 2009, my grandmother who raised me passed away. That was particularly challenging. In 2010, I lost another dear uncle, Edward Jr., who was very special to me 😀. In 2011, we lost Uncle Eric, in 2012, Kiki, and in 2013, I experienced a miscarriage. After that, the pace of loss began to slow. However, these events required years of therapy and time for processing. When God says his grace is sufficient, I agree, but that brief respite was truly necessary. 

In 2019, I experienced the profound loss of my beloved cousin, Tonya, which deeply affected me and led to feelings of anger towards God. I took time to mourn her passing, but soon found myself overwhelmed by a series of subsequent losses. In October 2023, my uncle Shun, who played a significant role in my upbringing alongside my grandmother, passed away. This loss was so impactful that it prompted me to seek therapy, and I found it difficult to part with his obituary, carrying it with me for months. Less than a year later, in July 2024, I lost another uncle, Clint. Although his passing was less painful due to his military commitments and our limited time together, it was still a significant loss. A few months later, in October 2024, I resigned from a job that I had envisioned retiring from. But due to health issues affecting both myself and my parents, that was abruptly cut short. This decision brought about a profound sense of grief. In November 2024, a close family friend, who had recently spoken at Clint's funeral, also passed away, leaving me in disbelief. I questioned the sequence of events and why I was losing so many loved ones in quick succession. The unimaginable occurred on December 7, 2024, when I lost my Godfather, Harry Alexander Jr. He was a pivotal figure in my life, mentioned in both of my books, and I owe much to him. I had dreamed of fulfilling God's promise for me and caring for all 4 of my parents, but that opportunity was taken away. My grief transcended mere anger. How does one navigate such profound loss in a short span while life continues unabated? Should everything and everyone pause to allow me a moment to breathe? Surely, I should not be expected to carry on with everyday responsibilities with such a heavy heart. Isn’t this enough? Shouldn’t there be a reprieve, even if just for a moment? Why can’t I find solace in grief? ```

How Do You Mourn When There’s No Time to Process the Waves of So Many Losses?

Grief doesn’t come with a pause button. It is an overwhelming, tumultuous experience that can feel all-consuming, particularly when multiple losses hit back-to-back in rapid succession. Each loss feels like a heavy wave crashing upon the shore, and when one recedes, another is already surging forth, leaving little to no time to catch your breath or gather your thoughts. The emotional toll can be staggering, as it feels like you are being swept away by an unrelenting tide of sorrow. But the world doesn’t stop; it continues to spin on its axis, indifferent to your personal turmoil. Bills still need to be paid, children still require attention and care, and daily responsibilities do not simply vanish in the face of grief.

In these moments, the weight of reality can feel unbearable. You may find yourself navigating through a haze of obligations, all while grappling with the profound ache of loss. The demands of life can create a sense of urgency that leaves little room for reflection or healing. You might feel as though you are merely going through the motions, performing tasks on autopilot, while your heart feels heavy with unprocessed grief. The relentless pace of life can make it seem as if there is no space to honor your feelings, to mourn, or to seek solace in the memories of those you have lost.

Moreover, societal expectations often compound this struggle. There is an unspoken pressure to maintain composure, to appear strong in the face of adversity, and to continue functioning effectively despite the emotional turmoil. This can lead to a sense of isolation, as you may feel that you are expected to move on quickly, to be resilient, and to keep up with the demands of everyday life. The internal conflict between your need to grieve and the external pressures to perform can create a deep sense of frustration and helplessness.

In order to navigate this complex emotional landscape, it becomes vital to carve out moments, however small, to acknowledge your grief. This may involve setting aside a few minutes each day to reflect on your feelings, to write in a journal, or to simply sit in silence and allow yourself to feel the weight of your loss. Finding ways to memorialize those you have lost can also provide a sense of connection and comfort, whether through creating a small tribute, sharing stories with loved ones, or engaging in rituals that honor their memory.

Additionally, seeking support from friends, family, or professional counselors can be an invaluable resource during this time. Sharing your experiences and feelings with others who understand the depth of your sorrow can help lighten the burden, even if just a little. It is important to remember that you are not alone in your grief; there are people who care and who are willing to walk alongside you on this difficult journey. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open about your emotions can foster a sense of community and understanding that is essential for healing.

Ultimately, while the world may continue to move forward, it is crucial to find ways to honor your grief amidst the chaos. Acknowledging the reality of your losses, giving yourself permission to feel, and reaching out for support can help create a path through the storm, allowing you to navigate your grief with a little more grace and understanding.

Are you struggling with grief?

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• Yes. I don't know how to get through this.
• No. I will pray for those who are struggling.